it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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