I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
