My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize