What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
