I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
