Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
