you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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