Pants 0. Shit 1.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
