Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
