her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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