Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
