His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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