Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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