So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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