Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
