You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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