Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
