shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
