So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
