i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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