remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I look better un-naked...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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