dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
