BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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