Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
