It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
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just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
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Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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