Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
