remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
