I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
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Can vaginas get frostbite?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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