She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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