Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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