It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
