i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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