I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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