My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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