I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
