When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
