Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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