Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I want her autograph on my taint
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
