i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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