I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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