thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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