if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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