i love accidental penises.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize