I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
