We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
