Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
