you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
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You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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