nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
