just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize