the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
