Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
