HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Vodka?
Forever.
He better not be in your backpack
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
