Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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