This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need to calm my uterus...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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