dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
