i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
