Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize