I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
