dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just found puke in my bra..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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