I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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