I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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