How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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