I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
