if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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