I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
