Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
