i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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