a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
