Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Someone shit on the floor
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
