i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Drake has all the answers
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
