The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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