Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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