Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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