My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
