Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
