Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He shit in the fireplace
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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