Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
