Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize