trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
