I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
