Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
