Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
