Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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