I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
