so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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