I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
