allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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