Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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