the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
